I had alot of time to think last night with being sick all night and here are somethings that ran through my head. My boyfriend at the end of everyday right before I go to bed says "I love you" and he truly does by his actions. No people, our relationship is not picture perfect like people seem to think. But what leads me to this conversation is at the end of everyday God says "My child I love you" but his love is unconditional love. Our human love can be buried when we are hurt or mad at someone but his love always is faithful. He never turns his back on us it's us humans that turn our back on God. You may say well God let bad things happen to us but things like this happen to us because we all have sinful nature. You can't tell me you live without sin because if you do as much as I hate this word your a lier. Jesus Christ was the only perfect human being on this earth and he I beleive struggled with some of the things other people struggled with but at the end of the day he was still no sinner. Something else that ran through my head is even when I fight or disagree with my boyfriend at the end of the day he still says "Baby, I love you" which usually makes things all better but what hit me the hardest is I might get mad at him today but tomorrow I still get to talk to him and love on him. Just think about it all these people serving in the military don't get the same chance we do. They try to love on their family and significant others or whomever it maybe because they never know when they will speak to them again. So be thankful that you can disagree and makeup in the same day or the next day. But try your best not to go without forgiving that person the same hour you get mad because you never know that you may not see them ever again. God bless and I will add more thoughts later.
I can't even start to explain how awesome he truly is. Now that I have started truly digging deeper in to his word he has shown me alot. I have been making slow progress but I know I can do it. One of the things I have done is writing my Grand Parents a letter some know the situation others don't but it's ok if you don't just pray for them. God knows what's going on. Anyways God has really shown me alot in the past several weeks that I never knew even existed in my life. I have started realizing the Heart I really have & I don't feel so down and out all the time. I also realized life is easier when you leave it in his hands. So progress is being made slowly. I didn't say I am tottaly different but I feel like I can see a small change and hopefully others do to. I have a post I want to write but I need to get it all in my head and on paper before posting it. So stay tuned..........
I have decided to start over. I have been praying for a little while that I could step up and step out. What I mean by this is that I feel as if I have been one of those people who attend church when the doors are open & I ask God for help when life is looking down. I also feel like I have been living some what of a life that is unpleasing to God. So I have taken a new vow which I am now putting out there. I not only want to be healthier because my body is God's temple he gave it to me just for a short while. I have also decided that I want to become stronger in my faith. I am the type that feels comfortable teaching younger children because well it doesn't seem to hard. But I have found myself realizing it's harder than it looks if you don't dig into your word daily. Now I am not saying I will change overnight I am just praying that I can start to slowly change. It might take me a few months or a year to get into the word like I want to be. I always have an excuse as to why I don't have time for God but now that's going to change. I mean I read my bible just not like I should. I am going to have a fresh start. I have lost 11 lbs this week & I am starting to Try to do better in my walk with God but I can't do it alone. I know I have to take step by step & ask God for his guidance and that's what I am doing. It's been awhile since I have posted but I want to start trying to update weekly on my struggles, my goals & have far I have come.
OK so most of you should know by now my brother has joined the military. Well this week on Friday, Dec 5Th, 2008 he will be going before the general in which he will tell him wither he is fit enough to stay & lead men or he needs to go home. So I started to listen to people around me & at first people kept saying "are you worried"? Others said they were worried for him. But I realized amongst all the emotions of Tyler Graduating on 12/12/08 that we shouldn't worry he wouldn't make it to Graduation. Because if we all worry we are telling God that we don't trust what he has in store for Tyler. I believe that if God wants Tyler to be in the military for the next 8years then he will make a way for him to succeed. If not then Tyler will come home this weekend. If Tyler comes home this weekend then maybe God's purpose was for him to have a change in attitude in which I have been told his attitude has changed for the better.
So what I am getting at is if we worry which all humans do then we are telling God we don't trust his plans for our lives. No I am not saying that I don't ever worry because I do & yes sometimes it's hard for we Christians not to worry. We worry especially because of the way the economy looks but I am sure that if money is tight we could all cut out stuff.
For Ex: Cut back on going out to eat and cook at home. Cut back you 1000 & some channels to 50 or even do without cable trust me I know it want kill you because it didn't kill Tyler and myself for 3 - 4 months. Cut back on Internet I am sure you can find it cheaper or cut it off & go to the library when you need it. We can all find things in our budgets to cut back if you say you can't buy this or you can't pay this bill.
I know I may have been a little to blunt but it's been on my heart for awhile. I have cut back on my Starbucks cups of coffee, my going out to eat everyday for lunch, not going to get a biscuit for breakfast. I can honestly say I have cut my budget some weeks I may have $0.01 to my name but it's OK because I am paying my bills.
Ok so sometimes i get a little bored at home on a Saturday morning. So today i happen to stumble upon a blog i think everyone should read it when you get a chance. This blog real touched my heart but also made me remember. No I can't understand where Ashley's family is coming from because I have never been in there situation. But I can also feel for them because if Ashley has to spend the holiday's in the hospital it will be tough. I remember that Christmas day sitting there it didn't even seem like a real christmas watching him lay there not knowing weither he would make it out alive. All, I could do was pray & cry & pray some more. As tears run down my face watching my dad lay there knowing he couldn't talk to me or see me it broke my heart. It's been almost two years without dad & the holiday's arent' the same. But I can't dwell on the past just make a new start. So this year we have decided to spend the holiday's together like old times. My mom, cameron, myself, Tyler & possibly Samantha will be traveling to Alabama for Christmas just like we did when dad was around. So it will be a joy to see family & friends that we know. I do miss my dad but I am 100% sure that Heaven is better then him leaving here on earth in pain. So if you read this today please say a prayer for my mom espically & take a moment to read ashley's blog and pray for her and her family. Thanks.